But as the drive-by media just informed me, I am a square for wanting a lesser phone. Some people, it turns out, want to be able to watch miniature episodes of “Lost” while waiting at the bus stop. This news led me to the Maine Mall in a panic, fearing that I had already been left so far behind by modern technology that I was destined to become like the woman whose Press Herald editorial last week referred to websites as “www.coms.” I jumped on my Segway and headed to the AT&T store for an emergency phone orientation.
My first question to the sales agent: “On which of these phones can I watch TV?” The answer, it turns out, is many of them.
“What would you like to watch?” a sales agent asked as he grabbed the nearest Cingular model off the wall. “HBO, CNN, Comedy Central ...” I stop him there and we selected a clip of “The Daily Show” offered on the network. In a couple seconds it was playing, and though the picture was a little chunky, it was there. Steve Carell was on the show plugging “Evan Almighty.” I took in the audio-visuals from the tiny screen, paused for a second, and was just as certain as ever that I didn’t want to see that movie. Thanks, phone.
The clerk explained that the pixelation is due partly to the fact that this particular futuristic nano-phone is already outdated, as well as the fact that Southern Maine is still only a 2G network area. That’s 2G as in second generation, just a digital step above the archaic analog network of the first generation of wireless services. Bigger cities in the U.S. are almost uniformly 3G, with 3.5 coming quickly, and people with the same Cingular model we checked out at the mall would get better images with less buffering in certain places outside Vacationland.
My helpful sales agent also noted that the arrival of the iPhone in a few weeks is going to make the issue of 2G versus 3G less significant for Mainers. When I asked if video on the iPhone will be as sharp as on a video iPod, our man at the AT&T shop confirmed it would. When I asked if there might happen to be free “promotional” iPhones available for members of the press, I was answered with laughter. I was, however, being deadly serious.
My desire for an iPhone wore off quickly, though, and I ultimately left of the same mind as before I arrived at the mall. Watching TV is already non-constructive and anti-social enough when you’re watching it on an actual TV. I don’t think I want it to be any more convenient.
Jason Henn is a local musician and coveter of many gadgets.