Simple Simon’s
Eggs, bacon, french toast, a homemade muffin and home fries at Simple Simon's in South Portland. photo credit: Tim Greenway
Simple Simon's owner Nicoletta Vaghena takes an order for a customer. photo credit: Tim Greenway
It doesn’t seem right to call Simple Simon’s a diner. The word “diner” invokes visions of dull linoleum floors and an atmosphere thick with cooking grease. And while the well-worn seats and ragged table cloths of a local diner are welcoming in their own right, you won’t find them at Simple Simon’s.
This small breakfast/lunch joint on Rte. 1 in South Portland is run like a well-oiled machine. Or a well-buttered pancake.
Here the welcomes feel genuine: wide smiles and warm hellos, even for Simple Simon’s newcomers like us.
After returning a greeting as we walked in the door, my dining chum and I took a table near the wall-mounted flat screen, where the folks from the “Today Show” were relaying the morning’s news.
The coffee came along within moments and I’m happy to report that I never saw the bottom of that coffee mug again.
The breakfast menu is frill-free. It’s two-egg meals unencumbered by needless accoutrements. It’s french toast for french toast lovers, bacon for bacon fans fond of the crispy.
A pair of hearty pancakes or french toast (both $3.99) could be a meal, but what fun is that? Throw in three snappy slices of bacon ($1.99) or some sausage ($1.99) for good measure. Dr. Atkins will appreciate it.
Breakfast special #2 brings two eggs any style, home fries, toast and a side of bacon, ham or sausage to your belly for $5.99.
And while nothing on the menu will pain your wallet, there are some options for the hardcore penny-pincher. Get buttered toast or an English muffin for a mere 99 cents. Or go the “feels like we’re camping” way and order a bowl of cold cereal for $1.25.
Simple Simon’s also claims to have the “Best Home Fries in Maine.”
I haven’t tasted the state’s full offering of home fries yet, but I can say that a side portion sans the onions and peppers ($1.99) is ample enough for you to make your own decision. And after you’ve cleared your plate and leaned back in your chair with a contented sigh, I doubt you’ll be disappointed.
You might, however, take a moment to note how smoothly run Simple Simon’s is. I don’t mean that oppressive orderliness you feel eating at your uptight mother-in-law’s table, but rather the kind of tidiness that confirms you won’t be dining with your elbows in the previous customer’s toast crumbs.
As soon as a table is vacated, creamers are restocked, jellies replaced. At Simple Simon’s, you’ll never struggle with the stubborn remnants of a ketchup bottle or grab a handful of emptied sugar packets that have been slyly crammed back into the sweetener dish.
You’ll find everything you need at the table, though you might have a tough time finding Simple Simon’s for the first time.
Tucked in among the Rte. 1 businesses near Governor’s, your eyes might be inclined to skip right past the small stand-alone restaurant. But don’t let them.
Circle back if you accidentally pass it. A Simple Simon’s breakfast is simply worth it.
— Shannon Bryan