Deb and I made sure we had lots of different kinds of toys to play with and colors for them to wear. Despite that effort, pink and purple quickly became favorite colors and most of the time the trucks sat ignored in the toy pile. Eventually we stopped worrying about that. I think we forgot it was an issue. The reality of raising kids kind of pushed out the stuff that wasn’t essential to getting through the day.
Now that the girls are 5, they are clearly little girls — surrounded by little-girl stuff, interested in little-girl things, playing little-girl games. And I am a dad who knows more about princesses and Fairytopia than I had ever imagined there was to know (I couldn’t even guess how many versions of Cinderella we have in this house).
I watch the difference between the way the girls play and the way the sons of our friends play, and I am forced to admit, maybe there is some real difference between the sexes. Eva and Anya play games that involve princesses and moms and daughters and things like that — what I think of as typical girl stuff. Looking a little closer at their play, however, it has an interesting girl-power spin to it that makes me proud.
You see, when a princess gets in trouble it isn’t always the prince who rides in to save the day, it’s usually another princess. These princesses don’t compete with each other to win anything, they cooperate to overcome a foe or survive a peril of some sort. Of course it’s not all non-traditional, ‘cause when a prince does show up there’s gonna be a wedding (thanks Disney).
Recently, however, their play has taken a different turn that seems more “boyish.” They are going through a Superhero phase, and as we all know, superheroes fight the bad guys. This translates into a lot of crashing into each other, wrestling on the floor, chasing each other around the house — all of which culminates in someone getting hurt.
We seem to be spending a lot of time saying things like “Eva, when your sister is yelling ‘OW,’ stop jumping on her!” and “Anya, I don’t care if you are Wonder Woman, you can’t tie Eva to the grocery cart.” I like that they are exploring this side of themselves, finding their strength and power while still holding onto their nurturing sides. It makes me wonder if it is easier for girls to show this duality than it is for boys.
We may not have succeeded in creating a home that defies gender stereotyping, but despite all the pink and purple, the princesses, the Barbies and the 274th viewing of the “Little Mermaid,” the important messages seem to be getting through. We’ll keep talking about the fact that they should do the things that interest them and not be stopped if someone says it’s not for girls. We’ll keep on telling them that there isn’t really any such thing as girl stuff and boy stuff. And we’ll keep hammering home the message that just because someone is pretty doesn’t mean she is a nice person. Hopefully, this will lay a foundation for strength and spirit when they get older and start to navigate the currents of social politics and adolescence.
Brian Clark is the father of twin girls and is program manager for the STRONG Fathers Network, which supports men in their efforts to be skilled, active and strong parents. It is funded by the York County Community Action Corp. and the U.S. Dept. of Health and Human Services. Brian’s views and opinions do not necessarily reflect the view of YCCAC.