Ignoring grief does not cause it to go away. Grief becomes lodged in the mind and in the body. People carry it in their heads, as the murky mist of depression.
They carry it as a constant heaviness that sits upon their hearts. They carry it in their lungs, a repository of unshed tears and unspoken words. They carry it on their back, which buckles under its burden.
I became a doctor in order to rid people of their bodily burdens. I assumed that gaining knowledge about the body’s functions would automatically endow me with healing skills. Having knowledge about the body has been worthwhile. But rather than simply enabling me to heal people, it has more accurately given me the chance to help them heal themselves.
People tell me what they need in order to heal themselves, so I listen to them. I examine them. I listen to them once more. I give suggestions or offer treatment. Then I listen to them again. Sometimes the best treatment I can offer goes back to something I’ve already done: listening. I try to listen to their words, and to what their bodies tell me; I try to be present for them, and in doing so, ease the sorrowful burdens of their flesh.
While none of us can rid people of their sorrowful burdens (whether we are doctors or not), we can all help to ease them. The MaineHealth Learning Resource Centers (781-1730) and the Center for Grieving Children (www.cgcmaine.org) are wonderful sources of burden-shifting information. Both have collected a treasure trove of material on the subject of holiday loss. Many of the volunteers at the Center for Grieving Children have themselves been touched by the deaths of friends or family members, which makes them an especially effective resource.
We do not have to be touched by death in order to support others in their grief. We need only wish to manifest compassion — a word that means ‘suffer with.’ One way to do so is by taking part in the Compassionate Friends Worldwide Candle Lighting (www.compassionatefriends.org). The event, which honors children (of any age) who have died, took place on Dec. 9. By lighting candles, participants showed solidarity with those whose holidays are marked with loss.
As you light any candles this holiday season, think of those suffering with grief and show your solidarity by putting forth rays of hope. Take time to listen and help people to heal themselves and send your light into their darkness.
Dr. Lisa Belisle is a family physician and advisor for the MaineHealth Learning Resource Centers. Dr. Belisle lives and practices medical acupuncture in Yarmouth. Contact her through her website: www.drlisabelisle.com.