Calm, cool, collected, showered and properly groomed, I’m sitting on the bench by our bay window, sipping coffee and reading a really smart book. My kids have already finished their daily tasks and are currently upstairs not yelling at one another. I have class in an hour, but I’m fully prepared — the house is clean, and right now I feel like the world’s most successful mother, homeschooler, teacher and partner.
I’m so pleased with myself, in fact, that I want someone to walk by and see me, or better yet, call and ask what I’m up to. “Oh nothing,” I would say. “Just having a cup of java and reading Dostoyevsky. You know, the usual.”
It would be a monstrous lie, of course (the “usual” part, that is — I actually do read smart books from time to time), but it would be oh so satisfying. And it would give people the picture of me I want them to have — the one that would inspire someone to write me a really good obituary one day.
But even as I sit here prematurely admiring my own epitaph, I resist becoming too self-righteous, knowing that the next week, the next day or even the next hour could bring a vastly different picture. After all, just four days ago I woke up feeling defeated before I even got out of bed.
On Monday morning, as I pictured the day stretching before me — the work I had to do, the three meals and two snacks I would need to provide for my children, the inevitable mountain of dishes that would follow, the essays I had to grade, the laundry, the bills, the errands, the class preparations — I felt trapped in a life of monotony and routine, stuck in a shampoo cycle of lather-rinse-repeat.
So what happened between Monday and Thursday?
Well, for one thing, I took care of myself — not always an easy task for mothers, who often get used to putting everyone else’s needs before their own. But when I woke in such a foul mood, I knew yoga was in order, so I threw in a CD and managed an hour and a half session that calmed my mind and body and sent my energy level soaring before my kids were up for breakfast.
The other piece of the equation was time. Just as “time heals all wounds,” it also mends all moods; the problem is that it eventually brings them back around again. Such is the cyclical nature of life — an important thing to remember as we head into the darkest time of the year.
As the hours of daylight shorten, we must remember that the Winter Solstice will eventually arrive, and the light will eventually return. So it is with our daily lives as well. We all go through periods of light and dark, highs and lows, on a regular basis, and sometimes the difference between a bad mood and a good mood is just a matter of time.
So, if you’re feeling like I am today, remain humble; and if you’re feeling like I felt on Monday morning, maintain hope.
As the hair-metal 80’s band RATT sang, “What comes around goes around.”
They said a few other things, too, but none quite so worth quoting. And while I’m not sure they were saying even this with the greatest generosity of spirit, at least they got the concept right.
Belinda Ray is a homeschooling mother and freelance writer who finds time to write when her children and their friends have lightsaber battles in the yoga room (but only if the laundry is already folded and everyone’s been fed).