“I would take a mother that holds me too much over a mother that offends others with the things that they say, any day. If that’s the way that you act then I question what your kids are like.”
“Uh ... your advice sucks!”
And to top it off ...
“We are writing to let you know that one of your recent responses was reported by the community and pulled by the system because it was considered flaming, which is prohibited in the Mamasource Terms of Service. On the internet, flaming is the practice of attacking people on a personal level by posting or sending a message that is intentionally hostile and insulting. Name calling, assuming character flaws, and nasty comments are all considered flaming and are not tolerated on Mamasource. On Mamasource, regardless of differences of opinions, members communicate politely and considerately. The community has a zero-tolerance policy regarding flaming. Please use Mamasource properly, or your account may be terminated without further notice. Thank you.”
These are the messages I received after posting on www.mamasource.com, a forum for local mothers to offer advice. My “advice” was given to a young mom who blatantly spoils her baby by holding her all the time and wrote “I don’t have a choice ... I have to pick her up.” My response to her went something like this: “Stop picking up the baby! Grow a backbone and let the baby cry. Babies cry and if you pick them up every time, you are teaching them that crying gets them what they want.” I went on to describe a woman who chronically gave in to her daughter’s fits, which led to a monster child who threw screaming, thrashing fits that lasted for hours.
My advice was harsh, but it was real. I am enraged by mothers who spoil their kids, but I kept my response to a sort of harsh-polite. Tough love is just my way.
In real, non-computer life you can rarely give parental advice, not even to your closest friends. I’ve seen a mom give her son cookies for a pre-bedtime snack. This is a huge no-no for me. I have a strict no-sugar-after-7:30-p.m.-or-before-lunch rule, and I could drone on for an hour about why sugar intake should be heavily monitored. Did I tell the offending mother? No way! Moms are so sensitive and defensive when it comes to advice you can’t even begin to hint at questioning their decisions.
Apparently you can’t do it online either. If you’re only allowed to sniff roses with your Mamasource advice, then the forum isn’t a fair representation of real parenting. Isn’t it supposed to be a place for different types of moms to offer opinions?
I personally challenge any mom to give me real and warranted advice when it so compels her and promise not to cry or accuse her of being “another statistic to another broken home in this country.”